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Rank 5 - Almighty Dragon

Anyone else feel this way?

I've had this nagging feeling like its too late for me to do Alpha 2 stuff.

I was an incel omega through most of my 20s, battling depression, self hatred, suicidal thoughts and other stuff. Struggled to keep a piss poor retail job even though I went to college for 8 years.

At 36 I'm staring down the barrel of $12 in my bank account and nearly 100k in student loan debt (most of it I took because I actually had a plan to kill myself on my 30th birthday, which obviously didn't happen).

There's a voice in my head that's telling me to off myself by 40 if I'm at the same place I'm at now. It sucks.

Anyone else dealing with this constant ongoing battle? I preach not getting butthurt about stuff but god dammit, I'm starting to crack. So much so that I'm considering not even publishing my book even though everything is written.

I want to buy BD's course but I won't even have the $270 or whatever to begin the installments. I just really hate myself right now :(

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Replies

  • Rank 2 - Vicious Wolf

    which city ,country you live ,you could do some b job to get on feet ? and plan move to cheap country with good internet 

  • Rank 1 - Cute Doggie

    Move somewhere else, either in the U.S. or abroad. It'll give you a fresh start/clean slate/change of scenery. It literally forces you to be more alert and will probably invigorate you due to having to find your way around and learn stuff.

  • Rank 5 - Almighty Dragon

    Good suggestions. I do intend to move to somewhere in Southeast Asia sometime in the 2020s.

    I'm just frustrated really. I began my location independent income journey almost a year ago and not even halfway to my goal yet.

    I know I can go back to working a job, but I know exactly what will happen: Just like a decade ago, I'll get sucked in and give up on life again.

    I'm not going to let that happen again. But I'm just sooooo clueless when it comes to the money part of my life. I'm in a state of panic all the time when it comes to money, I don't like it. I'm not on the verge of being homeless or anything but still.

  • Rank 5 - Almighty Dragon

    Money talks. When you have no money, you have no dream. I know, because I once arrived in the luxurious Paris with a negative bank balance, no income source, and 8 euros in my pocket.

    In my opinion, you are using your energy wrongly, you focus on the wrong thing. I don't think your book is gonna be very profitable at this stage, nor you need location-independent income (just any income will do). I also don't think BD course will be much help in short-term, especially when you can't even eat or pay rent.

    When you have no money, focus 24/7 on getting a job, pull any string, take any fucking offer (even hard labour ones). Be a minimalist, save up for a few months while working on side-job on your little free time. Nail that emergency fund, then dream.

    About BD course, you may email him, maybe he can make an exception. Even if he says no, it's not the end of the world. He gives a clear table of content for building A2.0 business, you can research the hell out of it and self-taught some, if not most, over books and the internet. Ppl have built the location-independent business long before BD comes up. Don't let it break you.

    • Rank 5 - Almighty Dragon

      I'm alright now. I was just pissy when a couple days ago. Just landed another writing gig, one that has an actual structure to where I can do tons of work so I should be good for a bit.

      I realized that I was not taking my freelancing stuff seriously enough. So I changed up a few things, chatted with some fellow freelancers and pulled my head out of my ass.

      I'll be alright, I just need to quintuple my commitment. I can't get too pissy or butthurt if I hit a dry spot in my freelancing job. That's when quintupling my commitment comes in. But I need to be curious and not desperate. Over the last week or so I was desperate. Desperation guarantees rejection.

      For me the boats have been burnt and there's no going back to a location independent job. And yeah something like BD's course will come around again, its just a matter of time. I do have a "sponsor" of sorts for my book and my brand in general as well. So things aren't that shitty. Its just that I have this really nasty habit of catastrophizing (something I talk about in my book). I'm gonna be alright everyone. There is NO way I'm going to give up 

    • Rank 5 - Almighty Dragon

      I'm alright now. I was just pissy when a couple days ago. Just landed another writing gig, one that has an actual structure to where I can do tons of work so I should be good for a bit.

      I realized that I was not taking my freelancing stuff seriously enough. So I changed up a few things, chatted with some fellow freelancers and pulled my head out of my ass.

      I'll be alright, I just need to quintuple my commitment. I can't get too pissy or butthurt if I hit a dry spot in my freelancing job. That's when quintupling my commitment comes in. But I need to be curious and not desperate. Over the last week or so I was desperate. Desperation guarantees rejection.

      For me the boats have been burnt and there's no going back to a location independent job. And yeah something like BD's course will come around again, its just a matter of time. I do have a "sponsor" of sorts for my book and my brand in general as well. So things aren't that shitty. Its just that I have this really nasty habit of catastrophizing (something I talk about in my book). I'm gonna be alright everyone. There is NO way I'm going to give up 

    • Rank 3 - Tenacious Bear

      We all have days like that, the key is identifying them and bouncing back from them

      What helped me is knowing my personality(MBTI) and working with it, not against it. 

      Working on my mind and body also helps avoid that feeling.

      Some suggestions

      1. Take the MBTI test
      2. BD's article on MBTI for dating
      3. Personality hacker
      4. Personalityjunkee
      5. Future Skills podcast on MBTI
      6. Breaking Out Of Homeostasis by Ludvig Sunstrom
      7. Matthew Brighthouse's Understand and Break Free of Your Own Limitations Series
      8. Tranquility by Type by Susan Storm
      9. Quora, for developing the different aspects of your stack

      Dive Deep Joelsuf, hope this helps

      Email me if curious.

  • Rank 4 - Soaring Eagle

    Hey Dude, you are an inspiration for me. I follow your income diary and you can make 500us$ a month now, you started with nothing. That is really impressive.

    I live in south America, with 500us$ a month I could probably live a minimalist life if I plan to live alone, and with 700us$ is a good salary here. I tell you this because it could be an opportunity for you, South America has the same time-zone of the US, that is one advantage that freelancers have here.

    I was going to go deep in the rabbit hole with the freelancing stuff, but some opportunities came, and I decided to wait until next year to start with any kind of online business.

    If you search the forums, we have a mastermind group here, you should join and talk for a bit. It is refreshing to see real people looking foward to live an alpha 2.0 lyfestyle

    cheers!

    • Rank 5 - Almighty Dragon

      Yeah I've been eyeballing S America, as well as S E Asia. I keep forgetting to join that mastermind thing. I have a MAJOR update for my income diary. Things were sucking hard for awhile, but now they're better than they have ever been when it comes to freelacning.

      There IS a ceiling for it, however. And I'm starting to get to that point. From what I've experienced, freelancing is really just marketing training. Actually making physical stuff to sell (for me its gonig to be books and coaching) is where it's really at.

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